9 December 2014
Things are getting worse. Richard was incontinent at night again and can’t understand that he needs to use the toilet not the floor. Damn you, Parkinson’s and dementia. We’ve had several more accidents where he has peed the floor, including three times on our new carpeting.
Last night he fought me for twenty minutes to sit on the toilet, and then once he did, he sat up on the bed for over an hour, refusing to lie down to sleep. And that meant I couldn’t go to sleep either. He can’t be trusted to be awake in the house by himself. He could pee or poop anywhere, move things around, or try to brush his teeth with a razor blade instead of a toothbrush. That razor blade incident scared the hell out of me. He put toothpaste on it and was putting it up to his mouth when I stopped him.
I told him three weeks ago that if he peed on the floor one more time, we’d have to move him to assisted living. And now we really do have to seriously explore this option. I know that assisted living will make Richard give up, but I think he has already anyway. He has no fight in him. And I don’t have much left either.
11 December 2014
Another difficult night with Richard. He fought me for fifteen minutes about sitting on the toilet. He insisted that it was OK to pee in the closet and was very angry that I was angry. I really don’t know how much I have left in me.
The other day I was helping Richard get dressed, and I suggested he wear jeans. They were in one of the drawers in the closet. He told me they were wet. I opened the drawer, which was about the same height as the toilet, and damn if he hadn’t peed in the jeans drawer and then closed it again. In some ways it was funny—but not really funny at all. I was impressed he remembered. He stated this as fact, not as anything other than that.
Earlier this week, we started work with a certified brain injury specialist, Katherine Lackey. Her work should help with making connections across different parts of Richard’s brain and improve his neuroplasticity. As with everything else, I pray it will help.
Sometimes I wish it would all just end. Assisted living seems to be my only real option. Assisted suicide looks impossible. When Richard first started talking about suicide, I thought we could move back to Washington, as it’s a death with dignity state, but that’s not a possibility. The person needs to be of sound mind and have a terminal illness and less than six months to live. But he doesn’t have any of those things. Richard asked me several times to help him kill himself. I told him I was truly sorry, but I couldn’t help him with that, as I would go to jail. The Washington legal route was not for us. He understood but was disappointed. There will be no happy ending to this story.
You will find my book Parkinson’s: A Love Story with Dementia for Dessert on Amazon. https://www.amazon.com/Parkinsons-Love-Story-Dementia-Dessert-ebook/dp/B07K4RLC2D/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1542135434&sr=8-1&keywords=Parkinson%27s+A+Love+Story+with+Dementia+for+Dessert&dpID=41xS3edPH0L&preST=_SY445_QL70_&dpSrc=srch Your feedback and reviews are most welcome.
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You are a strong woman Ava thank you for saving your story with us